Three things to notice and three things to see. It’s easy to come home after a bad day and notice the things wrong with your home. I was able to see the fake(?) angel looking directly at me and where I work, and where I write. I was able to see the fact that the little angel made by my wife when she was much much younger, showing me words that would otherwise be blind to me. Joy. There is also a bulb about 3/4 of the way to the top, see through with fake snow and nothing else. No children building snowmen, and no lovers standing side by side as they kiss under the mistletoe. Just, Nothing.
I give you a work of fiction based on the 3 things I noticed on my tree this evening.
The month of December can be so many things to so many different people The TV, radio, and even the internet would have you believe the world is happy and every child that deserves to have a good Christmas will have a good Christmas. Other than when you first put up your Christmas tree as adults do we ever really pay attention to it. Maybe.
As a father though I think the majority of us would agree the tree is simply, in the way after we put it up with our children making a big deal out of the memories that we are making. I pride myself as a good father and even I must admit that I seldom looked at this thing my children look up to so much. I look at the Christmas tree and I find myself sad because I did not get the promotion I felt I so deserved at work to give my children a good Christmas. I see the emptiness underneath the tree and fear that on Christmas morning when my children wake up they will see the same thing; an empty Christmas Tree.
Joy is what I see this evening though. I am inspired by the fact that when I am at my worst, and almost in tears because of the terror that has quickly become my life, someone, somewhere is shining Joy in my face.
When your day begins with waking up at the butt crack of 2 pm, and it ends with a screaming match with your boss in whom he is literally lying to your face, and to his boss’s face, in the middle of an argument that you simply cannot win. The Joy is in just phasing out of the moment.
The ability to close your eyes as your boss screams at you, seeing his red face flaring up while his gut bounces up and down over his belt line and down lower and lower as he fumes and fumes at you, and then open your eyes and see something completely different.
The Joy is in seeing the clown without his make-up. His red face is gone and you see the silly face paint with the eye make up behind his silly little grin. The red face paint over his lips and into a smile as he juggles lie after lie in a simple web that he creates every time he opens his mouth. The flower on his shirt is a perfect euphemism of himself. From afar it looks like nothing more than a flower on your shirt that is supposed to be there as you try to take away from the fact that you are a divorced far man who has no joy left in life. From afar though, all you see is the sun flower this silly man puts on his shirt.
Close up though we all know what happens. It’s the same trick a piranha does to capture its prey. As you look closer and closer to see what something so simply could possibly be doing. Sitting there day after day, the only way to survive is in fact some idiot fly coming close enough to you, so you can snatch it right up and make it your lunch. You see that right there? Giving Joy to the lifeless soulless man that somehow managed to be your boss. Some idiot keeps getting close enough to captured and destroyed, when all he has to do is sit his fat ass in his chair…and wait.
All these thoughts are quickly quelled when I stop a moment and see the angel looking back at me. Looking down at me. Let’s all be honest and admit whether it is because someone is taller than you, or your boss, or just happens to be on the upward incline of a hill, when someone is looking down on you it can be rather intimidating. A paper Wal-Mart bought Angel should not be intimidating though.
Considering what I was able to do after my boss left work tonight though, and get away with I have to feel a little guilty about. To truly have revenge on someone after they have so blatantly and honestly screwed you over to where it hurt you professionally and personally is absolutely something to have Joy over. The fact that a tiny Angel somehow found her (it seems when we are judged it is by women is it not?) way to be peering down at me the exact moment that I finally found a second to sit and be at peace with myself. The crimes are done when the Angels are looking so why would I not find a way to sit and be at peace when they are looking as well? The only reason one can honestly find is emptiness.
The emptiness of a bulb on a Christmas tree is what is to await me when I decide to look the angel in the eye to answer for what I have done. There will be no emptiness under the tree for my boys on Christmas morning because I will have found a way to cheat, steal, and lie my way into giving them the Christmas that they deserved.
When given 3 words to share it is hard not to bring up the crazy things I did for Joy. I was able to do what needed to be done when justice simply was not only blind but completely absent. The angels watched and I beat that man again and again. I mean let’s be honest it is very easy to beat a man who tries to juggle with your life. The things he throws in the air are nothing but toys to him, but as I see them being juggled and juggled some more, I see my hopes, dreams and children’s financial stability being tossed in a circle like they are ping pong balls.