This Year

 

 

My submission for http://flashfriday.wordpress.com/2014/03/14/flash-friday-vol-2-14/ . I had fun with it.

 

“No,” Cole screamed angrily, “We are not going to the stupid bourrée again this year.”

“Every year Cole,” Anastasia screamed back, “You know damn well why we have to go, we go every year.”

Cole did know the reasons behind what he was beginning to fully recognize as madness. His options were limited however, he was in too deep.

“This is stupid,” he muttered as they walked up the weed infested walkway, “You know one of these years this place is going to fall down on top of us.”

Anastasia rolled her eyes and remained silent up until they were inside the collapsing building, that housed a dance studio in the 1940s.

“Aren’t they beautiful,” she asked him.

Cole sighed, “Honey you know I can’t see them like you do, they are dead!”

“You will this year you son of a bitch.”

She was right, when his heart stopped beating he could see them just fine.

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2 thoughts on “This Year”

  1. This reminds me of an old Goosebumps story where the wife won’t tell her husband why she always wears a scafe tied around her neck until she dies. I would love to see where you woukd talk this story if you continued.

  2. I definitely enjoy the premise of this piece. Anastiasia and Cole obviously have a complicated relationship and it’s born out in the events of the story. I do find myself wanting more description and more background. That would really flesh the story out. I’m sure you’ve heard the old writing adage of “show, don’t tell.” For example, the first line could use some gesture and detail to show me how you know Cole is angry, instead of just using an adverb to tell me that. Something like this:

    No.” Cole’s brow was creased in anger, and his hand crumpled into a fist to try to still his frustration. He pressed his lips into a line before he continued. “We are not going to that stupid bourrée.” It was something Anastasia insisted on every year, and every year he grew more and more impatient with her insistence on it.

    I hope you see the difference that makes in the impact on the reader. I’d also like more background. Why does Anastasia insist on going? Is it an anniversary of some type? In what way has Cole gotten himself in too deep? There must be some reason he chooses in the end not to leave her to go on her own. I’d like to see his motivation in backing down.

    I’ll definitely be tracking your blog in the future – this time I subscribed via email, so I won’t lose the address again. c:

HEY! Tell me what you think, MUCH appreciated!

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