Weekly Writing Challenge -What Does the Alien Say?- A comedy

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February 14 2013, Day 1, Gob, Earth Planet

 

I passed this planets moon in the early hours of the evening. My quick survey of the moon resulted in no significant threat. The dark side remains unexplored other than the arrangements we have in place. Our equipment has been untouched and operational.

While I waited the download, and the other item requested I listed and watch on the transmissions of the location I was to land. As per agreement, I will land in a location known as Ohio, and scout and report my findings. As I listened and watch their internet I must say this species of man is a very unique one. They share our worship of Saint Valentine, however they celebrate but one day a year, and on this day they exchange chocolate (not as good as the chocolate on our home world I must add), and something they call greeting cards.

I watched their most visited internet site they call facebook for the majority of my wait, and I think I learned a lot of valuable information that will benefit us in our future endeavors. It seems the female of the species here are not afraid to get pregnant at an early age. I can only presume this is so they can spend their agile younger days raising children instead of wasting their energies on less important matters like a job, and education. They even have a show on their television that shows the many benefits of making such a wise choice! I wasn’t able to watch much of it, but it seems after these girls bear the children, the men that helped them become a mother were removed from the burden of parenthood!!

I have also learned that they do not stay with just one partner. This is very strange to me, because we are not so different than they are, and we have always been taught that our genitals will implode if use them on anyone after the first. Perhaps they found a cure for this? How great our species would benefit if we could mate with as many different females as we wanted! They use their internet as a way to see the other sex (and same sex it seems) naked by just going to different websites. I’ve learned from facebook that the sex with multiple partners is not something everyone likes to do, but it seems even if it is not wanted, you just tell all your friends about it, and pretend you hate this person and you will get back together with them?

I spent more time than I wanted to with the preparations; however the moment the files were finished, I headed straight for the landing site. It’s hard to believe this species has not found out a way to detect the various trackers and spy bots I found hiding in their atmosphere, most of which seemed to be made on this very planet to spy on one another? Strange.

I was not detected, as our new blending model AP43 worked like a dream. A Space shuttle entering the atmosphere, then airplane, and then their version of a car. I was not detected.

Upon landing I quickly changed into one of their strange multi pieced outfits and I even managed to match their most popular brand, something they call Wal-Mart. The behavior of the earth species seemed very strange that day. It seemed in the morning they drank a drink we outlawed near the beginning of our history. Coffee was consumed in rapid amounts, and they didn’t seem to mind a bit that this plant was grown in animal feces. They took uppers to help them wake up in the morning, and later that evening they drank alcohol and took downers to help them fall asleep. I even witnessed a male trying to help himself sleep by wasting bodily fluids during self-gratification. I later learned that they have yet to learn the uses for their bodily secretions.

The main flower I saw was not one growing from the ground, instead it was a red rose they were selling in shops. The males had to buy these for their females before they could engage in relations. To the observer this does appear to be a lot cheaper than the rituals on our planet, but of course very unsanitary!

I will report more tomorrow, currently outside of my hotel room, I can hear many different individuals engaging in coitus, and I met a young lady who offered to come to my room and teach me about the different sexual acts that this species practices. Here’s hoping my genitals don’t catch on fire. Tali-Ho my friends!

                                                                                                            -Gob-

 

Check out some of the other great stories this week!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/2014/02/10/writing-challenge-valentine/#more-68832

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2 thoughts on “Weekly Writing Challenge -What Does the Alien Say?- A comedy”

  1. funny read. You made your alien so superstitious. Amazing creativity and approach. But what I can presume from the post is that the alien is a horny guy. Keep writing other episodes of the alien and his other encounters.

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